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TeamJackal receives a lot of fan mail from all over the world. Some of it is just plainly adoring, while other emails are a lot more interesting. Here's an example:
Dear Mr Jackal,
This has been a very difficult letter to pen, and I hope you can read it with some discretion. Until recently, I had considered myself quite happy. Long days spent shopping in the Geneva boutiques, weekends spent skiing or sailing on one of my husbands daysailers on the lake, and occasionally popping into his office to help with particularly tricky biotechnology problems. However, since being introduced to your website by a Kiwi gentleman who once sailed on one of my husbands boats, I've found myself increasingly unhappy. I've sought psychiatric help, but can find no solution.
Call it what you will, a fascination for success, an appreciation of genius, or just the sublime feeling of something being fundamentally right. Mr Jackal, I have no doubts left that you are the man for me. Please tell me you are still single and I have a chance. I'm willing to give everything up just to spend a day with you on Jackal amidst the famous daytime aurora of burnt amber over Bahrain, sharing a can of steinlager and wrapped in your cosy Line7's. Please Mr jackal, I don't know what I'll do if you say no.
Mrs B
Dear Mrs B,
What can I say to you? I'm sorry that you're unhappy, but it just might be your fault you know: You really shouldn't hang around with Kiwis, as they're a particularly rough lot... They may well be good sailors, and they used to sail for their own country with a bit of pride, but these days they'll join anyone for money. And I bet you've got more than one of them hanging around.
We've got a Kiwi at our club and he keeps sailing rather well and winning all the time in a Seal 22, which is a bit of a bore - mainly because its all the time. Anyway, everyone knows that Kiwis aren't generally very good at losing, so it's probably better for everyone that they do win, just like yours did. Take the Rugby World Cup for example. New Zealand declared a day of national mourning when the squad lost in the semis - and then had an official enquiry to find out why they lost. This was followed by all sorts of thoroughly rough behaviour, in the name of sport. The sailing thing a couple of years ago was even worse. I would have thought that your husband would know better than to let a Kiwi on his boat. That sort of invitation can only end up in misery - which it obviously has for you, although I guess it helps to win that trophy.
Mrs B, you clearly lead a full and complete life. Lets face it: flitting around boutiques, skiing and daysailing in between, you lead a life of glamour and privilege, and I'm worried that you should have felt the need for help. In addition, I do feel that biotechnology is something left to experts and I really think that you should concentrate your attentions elsewhere.... but sadly not on us. Don't get me wrong, it's very nice of you to take an interest. We are successful, and your appreciation of genius in this case is not entirely unfounded and yes, TeamJackal does feel fundamentally right. But I'm afraid that the we just don't have any room on our boat for you.
If I could just give you a little bit of advice to make you feel better, more full and complete in your lot, I would say just one thing: Be fascinated with success, but make success work for you. Be happy through rain or shine. Be content with your life and don't seek what you can't afford. Love your husband. Sail with him. Wear sheer lingerie every day. Dance when it snows. Be happy, for yourself. Smile when no-one else is smiling.
Oh, I almost forgot. Are you an 'A' Cup?
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